Posted: 01/01/2013 Filed under: Awesome Things, LGBTQ | Tags: announcements, humor, links
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 6,300 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 11 years to get that many views.
Click here to see the complete report.
Posted: 12/28/2012 Filed under: Behavior, Dating, Girls, LGBTQ, Sex | Tags: advice, behavior, boys, dating, friendzone, humor, links, sex
I got another email question! I’m totally not sure if it’s a troll email or not, but here it is, and here’s my answers.
Q: Okay so I’ve been great friends with this girl and she considers me as her best friend..
I fear if I’ve been friendzoned already for I have feelings for her..
She cares a lot about me..
I do care a lot about her..
The thing is I fear if I ask her out, it might spoil our friendship.
So please I need your help..
What to do?
First thing you do, emailer friend, is to never use the verb “friendzone” ever, EVER again. Everything about that term implies that the only goal of being in any sort of relationship (including a friendship) with a woman is sex, and that makes you kind of a douche
The second thing you do is go back and read this
. I think it will help.
The third thing you need to do is make a list, and on one side put all the great parts about being friends with this lady. Do you do fun things together? Can you talk about a ton of stuff? Great! Now, what’s the only thing you’re standing to gain from turning this friendship into something else? If the only thing you can come up with is “sex”, then you need to decide if trying to get sex from this friend of yours is worth the potential spoiling of your friendship. You also have to brace yourself for the mad amounts of awkward if that goes awry.
Please, don’t consider the only goal of being friends with a girl to eventually end up boning her. That’s horrible and isn’t worth anyone’s time. For real though, you don’t want to end up like that guy. If you have genuine feelings for her you should tell her, but if all you think you want is the sex, don’t do it.
Posted: 11/25/2012 Filed under: Behavior, LGBTQ | Tags: adventures, advice, behavior, boys, christmas, girls, humor, lesbians, rants, thanksgiving
This is going to be a combo rant-advice time, which I realize might frighten some of you. Sit down, things are gonna get intense.
The holidays (Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Solstice, etc.) are generally celebrated by gathering with family. In most cases, this means biological family, which means seeing people you only see kind of rarely.
This, for me, was the first Thanksgiving where I was not living with my parents, so I got to stop by casually to see everyone. Another fun fact: I have a staunchly conservative, Catholic grandmother who is somewhere in her eighties. I’m not out to her. I made the choice not to come out to her after I saw “defend marriage!” and “we hate abortion” flyers in her car a few years ago. It just seemed like the responsible thing to do.
I have learned, over the years, how to deal with the grandma questions. You know the type – the ones about relationships and marriage and children and crap. For instance, my first Christmas home from college we were all in our pajamas and eating chocolate on Christmas morning, and apropos of literally nothing, my grandma turned and said, “So, do you have any special boy in your life?” Super-amazing deflection response: “No, grandma, I’m really busy and haven’t thought about it.”
Two years later for Christmas I got a really nice box of silverware, but it had a card that was basically like, “Just in case I die before it happens, here’s your wedding present!” Really uncomfortable; I said thanks and we’ve never talked about it.
Fast-forward to Thanksgiving 2012, greeting everybody and saying my hellos as a visiting family member. My older brother whispers to me, “When are you gonna tell her you’re gay?” While talking about Black Friday shopping with my grandma, I mention my “roommate” (secretly my girlfriend, for those not in the know) had to work a really stupid shift at her retail job. Not two minutes later, my little brother went, “So… Roommate, huh? You should just tell her.” A little while after that, my mom felt it prudent to take me aside to remind me that my cousin had already come out, and that “grandma is totally okay with him being gay, so you could tell her.”
What does this have to do with anything advice-wise? A couple of things, actually, that I consider pretty important.
If you have a family member who is LGBTQ and they are not out to another person, family or no, it is NOT your job to tell them they can come out. We do not require your permission on this front. I don’t need you to tell me when I can or cannot talk about my personal life, or in what terms, and it’s really quite condescending and paternalistic for this to happen. If someone comes out, it is because they have given themselves the permission to do so, not because some straight person has deemed it “okay”. If you have a queer family member, don’t you dare tell them this ever, because it’s rude.
The second issue is that people are different, and people are viewed differently by other people. My grandma, for instance, might consider me her favorite grandchild (or maybe not, I don’t know), but the point is that she might view me in a different light than my cousin. That being said, she might not react as well as everyone seems to think if I were to come out to her.
The third issue is that the holidays are not just about one person. I don’t want to make a big scene and make Christmastime or Thanksgivingtime memorable to my octogenarian grandmother because that’s when she learned I’m gay. It’s about togetherness and family and being glad we have what we have, it’s not about coming out. Not for me.
At this point, I’m very thankful I can be out to the family members who do know. Further, I’m thankful I can still make my own choice and that nobody has outed me (as far as I know) without my permission.
So please, take a step back and consider, if you have to, the position your non-heterosexual family members might be in. They will come out to the people they choose, at the times they choose to do so. Don’t be a douche and try to push them to do it any sooner than they are comfortable.
Posted: 10/13/2012 Filed under: Behavior, Dating, Girl Talk, Girls, LGBTQ, Sex | Tags: adventures, advice, announcements, behavior, boys, dating, girl talk, girls, humor, lesbians, links, rants, sex
Do any of you have something that really just grinds your gears and gets you every time? I happen to have a lot of them, and if I were to list them all it would require more time and dedication than I could ever hope to expect from any of you. Consider this an act of mercy that I’m only focusing on one moderately upsetting thing for today.
I had this particular thing in mind for today, because it happened to me last night. Sometimes being gay can really stink, and a lot of those times happen when you’re interacting with other (mostly heterosexual) people. One of those interactions I despise is when someone decides it’s a good idea to ask The Question. You’ve probably encountered it, either in a movie, with friends, hell – maybe you’ve even asked it yourself. The Question is, for me, as follows: “What do 2 girls, like, DO, y’know… In bed?”
It’s almost always followed by lots of nervous giggling on the part of the asker.
There are a couple of responses that I use for this question, and the one I pick depends upon how well I know the person asking me, and how much I want them to not hate me.
In this case, I was at a bar, so I was able to be all, “I haven’t had enough tequila for this talk”, and that seemed to work pretty well. (Other fun responses are things like, “Let’s go find out” and “Please shut your face”, but my favorite is, “Well that depends. Are we sleeping or fucking?”)
I’m not a particularly private person. I’m loud, kind of annoying, and really obnoxious. I’m outspoken about a great deal of things. And yet, this one single question leaves me feeling utterly flabbergasted. I really think this is a prime example of straight privilege, because nobody asks a straight couple what THEY do in bed, right? Because everyone knows. But apparently asking gay folks is not only a) super appropriate and acceptable but 2) going to give you an answer to apply to every gay person ever (because we’re all the same, duh!)
I was told that I handled the question like a champ, but I’m still really riled about it. I also told the particular asker to check things out on the internet. It’s a wonderful place and there are TONS and TONS and TONS (etc. etc. ad nauseum) of resources on how two ladies might get it on. Betcha you’ll never guess what happened next.
“I FEEL DIRTY DOING THAT.”
But you feel perfectly alright asking someone you don’t know very well TO THEIR FACE about their sex life?
It would be completely different if this person were asking me about things to do to make one’s sex life more interesting. I personally feel I have a lot of really brilliant sexytime ideas, and since I’m obnoxiously outspoken, I find very little shame in sharing them. This, however, was a whole ‘nother scenario.
The moral of the story this week is pretty simple: don’t be an ass. I don’t care if you’re drunk, I don’t care if you once asked a gay person in a pride parade and they answered. I’m a different human being, and you should fucking respect that.
We’ll be back for regularly scheduled shenanigans later on.
Posted: 10/09/2012 Filed under: Awesome Things, Behavior, Dating, LGBTQ | Tags: advice, announcements, behavior, dating, humor, love, rants
I’m breaking my hiatus because my hiatus is stupid and was imposed for no reason other than I was a little bit on the lazy side. It’s true, dear readers. I neglected you because I was bumming around playing video games. And, y’know, college.
For my first post back, I wanted to talk about something that’s very near and dear to me, and that I take very very seriously. Surprisingly, it’s not sex (although that’s a close second).
I want to get into what it means to love yourself. I don’t mean the corny self-help book style of patting yourself on the back or giving yourself affirmations daily or anything like that. I mean this on a deeper level, because I think “loving yourself” is a very subjective act.
***TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDERS, SELF-HARM AND DEPRESSION***
For me, loving myself has many meanings. It could be treating myself to a large iced mocha on a rough day. It could be that extra five minutes in the shower. I may be crazy, but sometimes “loving myself” means doing another set of a lift at the gym, because loving myself and pushing myself sometimes get conflated. Sometimes I give myself an extra ten minutes of sleep before work, and that’s loving myself.
I didn’t always used to have such positive outlets for how I felt about myself. Sometimes I still don’t. I used to think that loving myself meant doing everything I could to be skinny like girls are supposed to be. I didn’t do the greatest job of taking care of myself physically, and it took a toll on me in a way that I couldn’t notice back then. When I got positive comments, I felt like I was flying. It reinforced what I was doing (which was not consuming food), and it felt damn good. When I didn’t get positive comments… I wasn’t very nice to myself. I punished myself, and to this day I am extremely ashamed of this.
I don’t know when this changed for me, and I can’t promise that it will, because nobody can do that. (If only…)
It turns out that I’m not actively trying to make you cry, and I’m definitely not searching for compliments or pity. I want you to be aware that this acceptance of self is a process. It’s a journey and it’s hard. So, what does this have to do with you?
You never know where somebody is coming from in life. You don’t know if that chubby kid goes home and tries to eat right and maybe has some other problems. That weird quiet dude doesn’t need you to point out that he looks like he hasn’t washed his hair. People are so acutely aware of their flaws, they really don’t need to hear another voice chime in and repeat them.
One of the most important things that happened when I started realizing I was worth more than cuts and starvation was that I became a nicer person. When I was better to myself, I felt better and I passed that on to the rest of the world. I’m not trying to be preachy and I’m not trying to brag about how great a person I am – I still have flaws, and maybe you have a different reason for being mad at the world. It’s okay.
There’s that old adage that says, “you can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself”. I know it’s not healthy to base your worth on your relationship status. However, I think there’s a very fine line between the healthy and unhealthy aspects of that. For me, finding that awesome girlfriend of mine made me a great deal happier. I’m about to sound EVEN LAMER (as if that’s possible at this point) and tell you that she has made me want to be a better person.
I wanted to share my experiences and opinions with you about this stuff for awhile, and I’m still not sure I managed to do it without sounding all “hurr durr look at how great my life is now”. It’s important to remember that you ought to be kind to yourself. Self-respect and self-worth are terms that get tossed around a lot, and it’s easy to get lost in the myriad definitions.
Take a good, hard look at what you view as loving yourself. Does it harm yourself, physically or psychologically? Does it harm someone else, physically or psychologically? It doesn’t have to be a productive thing, necessarily (my coffee/chocolate consumption is hardly productive and mostly just delicious).
Be good to yourselves. I think you’ll feel a lot better.
Posted: 07/15/2012 Filed under: Awesome Things, Behavior, Girl Talk, Girls, LGBTQ | Tags: adventures, advice, behavior, dating, facebook, girl talk, girls, humor, jobs, lesbians, links, love, rants, sex
Okay I’m sorry, I didn’t fall off the planet, I’ve just been shirking my duty as your faithful advice blogger for… Well for long enough to risk falling off the planet, I suppose. I haven’t really done much, apart from the usual going to the gym, going to work, and eating food routine that most people seem to have. So exciting.
One thing I have done is finish reading a book. An advice book, no less – something I normally avoid like a cat avoids water.
I’m not usually one for self-help books. I tend to find the advice therein trite, condescending, and in some cases enabling of the behaviors the person reading needs help with. Of course, when my mom handed me this book I went, “Yeah, sure, I’ll read this. Eventually.” Because my mother likes to hand out advice, wanted, warranted, or not, I really just rolled my eyes. And then my girlfriend read the book first. And then something ridiculous happened – she told me it was good. Not just good, but something that I should be reading.
Thus, I just finished reading, The Defining Decade by Dr. Meg Jay, PhD. The book is broken down into a few sections, on love, work, and being a grown-up. Really, the whole book centers on acting like an adult now instead of later, and getting your act together before you’re 30. There are a lot of examples that Dr. Jay uses to describe exactly what she’s getting at, whether it’s the twentysomething boy who was essentially homeless because he grew up in an unsettled divorced parenting situation, or the young Korean American woman who had grown up being teased for being different and a virgin in high school, so she never stopped to consider the sort of qualities she actually wanted in a partner – she just wanted to be wanted.
I wish I couldn’t identify so well with each of the people in this book. I’m way overeducated for my current job. I know this, and I know what I want to be doing, I just don’t know if I can actually put in the work to get there. I just keep assuming that everything will fall into place, because that’s what I’ve been taught to expect. I’ve also been hearing, “You’re young, this is what you’re supposed to do” an awful lot, too.
I think, contrary to popular belief, “YOLO” (you only live once) is part of this problem that leaves folks screwed over in their thirties. The twenties are apparently to be spent partying, traveling, working as a barista at Starbucks, and generally not giving a shit about the future because you’ll think about it “when you’re thirty” or “way later”…. Draw a timeline of how you want your life to go. If you have a picture like that, and “babies” and something like “medical school” are in the same place… You might have to reconsider what you’re doing.
What resonated most with me, for a silly reason, was the entire section on love. Every time my girlfriend and I have had problems of any sort, I have been advised by at least one person to break up with her and find someone else. I’m always told that I will have plenty of time to find my perfect someone, because my girlfriend and I are “so young” (I’m almost 24, for the record). I think getting together at a pretty young age, relatively speaking, is seen as a thing of the past. I have a friend who just got married, and she’s a couple years younger than I am. Do I think that’s too young? Maybe. I don’t know.
The point I’m trying (and failing) to make is that I feel really lucky in love. I don’t think I care if my perfect soul mate life partner match from heaven is out there in the world somewhere. There are another 7 billion people on this planet, of course. But, at this point, I think instead of stressing over whether or not my girlfriend and I are completely 100% totally perfect, I am going to focus on all the great things about being with her. At least in this respect, I feel like I have my shit together.
I wish I had an idea of what I want to be when I grow up. I wish I knew what I wanted to DO with my life. I want to do a million things, and I’m so afraid of all the possibilities that I don’t know where to start, and so I’m just paralyzed by all of them.
This paragraph I just wrote isn’t in the book, but there are a bunch like it. It makes me feel less bad, being as concerned as I am about my career future, because Facebook and the media seem to keep telling me that I should be gallivanting around Europe half-naked and fucking my way through hostels or something to that effect. Those same institutions tell me that I should drink more and do stupid shit because, after all, “you only live once”.
While that’s all probably a good time, I will take my amazing girlfriend, our tiny apartment, and a half-cooked plan for the rest of my life over drinks in an English pub any day. I may not know where I want to go, but I know who I want to get there with, and I really think that’s a big step in the right direction.
I’m not advocating for or against settling down at an earlier age, and I’m not even knocking working for Starbucks. All I’m saying is that this book is pretty great, I recommend it, and I think we could all stand to get the ball rolling on the rest of our lives a little faster than age 30.
A little ambition never killed anyone.
Posted: 06/12/2012 Filed under: Awesome Things, Girls, LGBTQ | Tags: adventures, attractive ladies, girls, humor, lesbians, links, lists, love, superheroines
I know you were all waiting for this. This is probably the nerdiest thing I’ve ever written, except for that time I wrote some fan fiction for Gundam Wing.
And even if you weren’t, that’s okay. Whoever follows me on tumblr (ahem ahem shameless plug) will have noticed a pick-up in the superheroine-type things I’ve been reblogging. It happens. It started with me wanting to learn
more everything about Wonder Woman and went on from there, so without too much ado, I present in no particular order, some really amazing super- and meta-human ladies!
I can’t be the only one who sees it
Did you guys know Catwoman had a sort-of sidekick? Who was gay? Because I didn’t until I started looking into these things. Holly manages to stab Batman in the leg and then end up at a convent. At some point she comes back, takes over being Catwoman while Selina is on maternity leave, dies, but not really, and she’s Selina Kyle‘s BFF/roommate/probably girlfriend sometimes. At least, that’s what happened In My Head.
Sailor Neptune/Sailor Uranus
Image by AmayaKouryuu at deviantart
I have to include these ladies as a pair, because they’re a couple. I don’t really care what the English dub of “Sailor Moon” that you watched on Toonami said, they’re not cousins. Cousins don’t have pot points like Sailor Uranus (Haruka) kissing Sailor Moon, or dressing up as Tuxedo Mask, or, y’know, sexin’ up Sailor Neptune (Michiru). I really love the two of them, because Haruka is super flirty and Michiru is quieter and super-polite. They balance each other out so well and I can’t help it, they’re so effin’ cute. Seriously, I’m still not sure how I was so naive to think lady cousins should be so friendly. I know better now, and so do you.
Look at that striped shirt and blazer. Hot!
So Renee Montoya
is was a cop, which is pretty sexy and superhumanly in and of itself. HOWEVER, she’s also The Question! AND Batwoman‘s girlfriend, for a hot minute! Can I sum it up decently by saying she’s a fabulous representation of a person of color (her parents are immigrants from the Dominican Republic)? No. I can’t really sum her up neatly, she’s more complex than that. This lady has some srs bznss in her background and I would need more coffee and at least three blog posts to cover it. She dated Batwoman, has alcohol issues, and kicks the crap out of people. And she wears a tie while doing a lot of these things. Unf.
I think I’m in love
Holy CRAP, this woman. Those biceps. Wikipedia says “Her hidden identity was that of a super strong stripper who worked at a club called the BoomBoom Room”. Does this explain what I’m about to say? Maybe. Knockout is really more of a villain than superheroine, but this is my list so hush. She’s been on the Suicide Squad and the Secret Six, and has died or almost died a couple of times. No, really. It’s canon. I like Knockout because 1, her name is a great pun and 2, she’s like eight feet tall and 3, she was dating the next lady on this list…
Scandal scares me a little bit. Maybe it’s that crazy combat mastery, or her really freaky weapons (seriously, “lamentation blades”?), but it’s probably more that she can re-grow her guts. Her dad’s immortal, so what do you expect? But I do love a lady who’s tough, and she’s fought freaking Talia al Ghul (a sometimes-Batman girlfriend) and lived through being shot and almost blown up and such. I think she’s a big softie, judging from her reaction to her girlfriend Knockout’s death, so… I like her. Is it weird that I find the tough girls attractive?
Kate kissing Not Renee (Detective Maggie Sawyer)
I couldn’t notput her on this list. Kate Kane‘s Batwoman is easily the most recognizable of the women I picked, not to mention the most gay. She gets booted from a military academy for dating another (female) student, and gets it on with attractive lesbian cops a lot. Mostly I love how complicated she is, she’s not just the token gay title character. Seriously, I can’t tell you how big a deal that is. Also she’s a redhead with tattoos, and that’s never a bad thing. If you’re not interested in the storylines of the most recent Batwoman issues, just go for the art.
Look at this, it’s beautiful, now go get it!
I’m pretty sure I’m missing a good deal of lesbionic butt-kickers, because not every superheroine who doesn’t necessarily need a dude to save her or partner up with is queer, so drop me a line on Twitter, or tumblr, or down in the comments and talk to me about your favorite queer superheroines!
Posted: 05/28/2012 Filed under: Awesome Things, Behavior, Dating, LGBTQ, Sex | Tags: adventures, advice, behavior, boys, dating, girls, humor, kinks and fetishes, links, love, sex
Hey! HEY YOU GUYS! So remember that one time I wrote about kinks, and about how some people give crappy advice to people when they come up?
My girlfriend and I went out to eat the other day, and I picked up a copy of The Onion. In the back, they run Dan Savage’s column, Savage Love, and as I was reading this particular issue, I noticed that people seem to 1. have a disturbing love for this book, 50 Shades of Grey, and 2. apparently have no idea how to talk to partners about sex. Savage’s response to one of these women actually made me pretty annoyed, and almost angry.
And then, as if things could not get any more timely, a close friend of mine said that he and his partner were having some issues in the bedroom. I did the, “Well, did you talk about it?” line of questions, and he kept balking, talking about how he did not want to hurt his partner’s feelings, how he didn’t want to cause trouble in the relationship, blah blah et cetera.
Talking about sex is a lot like talking about kinks. The biggest difference is that usually, sex is not quite so shame-ridden as kinks can be. There’s a larger number of people having sex in general, versus however many people might share a kink. With a difference in numbers and with “everybody doing it”, you’d think it would be a hell of a lot easier to talk to one’s partner about sexytimes, right?
Well…. No. It’s not. And it’s not easy because of the reasons my friend brought up. Hurting someone’s feelings probably is going to make you less likely to get sex from them, at least in the immediate future. This isn’t necessarily a fact, but if you make someone feel bad, like, say, where sexual prowess is concerned, it doesn’t seem likely that that person will turn around and go, “Okay well how about we fix that RIGHT NOW?!” (however if you do have a partner like that, you have won at life)
Telling someone they’re not doing sex with you right is really difficult. There isn’t a way to sugarcoat it, but there are a few ways to make it less awful for everyone. You can always go with the direct approach. Being as straightforward as possible and saying, “Look, this is something I have noticed in the bedroom and here is how I want it to change, can we work something out?” leaves practically no room for losing. A similar way of getting your point across is by, in the heat of the moment, saying something like, “Hey, you know what would be hot? If we ___________”, and then you let them know what you want. This works especially well if it’s asking for a tweak in a sexy routine, e.g. who gets to be on top?
Another thing that works pretty well is a nonverbal approach. If it’s a matter of one partner not getting off (and this being a problem), take some more direct control, if you know what I’m saying. Move the other person’s hand to where you want it, and see where things go. If they don’t go the way you want, either try again or talk it out.
Now, these tactics are all contingent on one thing – your partner agreeing with your suggested change. If this does not happen, then a few things need to happen: you have to figure out how important this change is to you, you have to be absolutely certain your partner understands this is an important thing, and/or you have to start reconsidering your relationship with this person.
But wait – why did I bring up Dan Savage? Because his advice sucked. And why did his advice suck? Because, if you go and read the third letter of the link above, he suggested that a 43-year-old housewife use a time machine to solve her problems. I know this has a little more to do with kinks and fetishes, but a lot of Savage’s advice to women seems to be to DTMFA (dump the motherfucker already), especially if they are writing to him about their sex lives.
This is kind of unacceptable. It’s funny that he has no problem talking to some cops about semi-public (male) masturbation, but when a woman wants some advice on bringing her husband into her experiment with BDSM, he dropped the ball. The answer is not to go back in time and not dump the weird kinky guy she may or may not have dated twenty years ago. The answer is to talk it out. Bring up reasons she wants to try it. Say things about how hot BDSM might be, give the husband an out and say, “Let’s just try it a couple of times and see if we like it.”
The one thing I want you all to take away from this is to not be afraid. The absolute worst-case scenario of getting dumped because you want to improve your sex life with that person probably will turn out to not be a worst-case scenario. And who knows? Your partner might even surprise you, agree, or say, “I’m SO glad you brought this up! I was wondering about this!”
Don’t be afraid to talk about sex!!!!
Posted: 05/21/2012 Filed under: Behavior, Dating, Girls, LGBTQ | Tags: advice, behavior, dating, facebook, girls, lesbians, links, rants
Alright, so in case you have been living under a rock lately, you have probably heard that Vice President Joe Biden and President Barack Obama have both publicly voiced support for same-sex marriage. After that, Jay-Z and even the NAACP have endorsed marriage equality.
I bet even he’s heard, though.
After all that has happened and all that is being said, I have some feelings about it. How could I not? It’s a big deal. It’s a massively huge ridiculously big deal, to be more precise. And it effects my life in a very direct way. So if you don’t want to read about my feelings and issues with all that’s going on, I advise you to stop now.
A lot of friends of mine on Facebook posted links to the video of President Obama describing how he came to this new attitude toward gay marriage, explaining this evolution of sorts. Unfortunately while his words were really heartwarming and it was awesome to hear the President of the United States, while in office, say outright that he wants to allow folks like me and some of my best friends to marry our partners…. I didn’t feel it.
I know. I know. I feel like such a terrible American! How could I, noisy obnoxiously gay lady that I am, not be celebrating with glitter, rainbows, and unicorns like the rest of the population that is okay with gay marriage?
It’s a combination of things. First, it has brought out some of the worst in people. Some people that were very vehemently opposed to gay marriage have gotten even worse. North Carolina passed its stupid Amendment One, which bans everything except marriage between a man and a woman. What’s tragic and stupid about this, in my mind, is that gay marriage was already illegal in North Carolina. This just added that into the constitution of the state, while also dumping on straight couples who wouldn’t really go for a traditional marriage.
By making this announcement prior to the November election, the President has potentially pushed away voters that like progressive things but not gay marriage. I’m just really, really nervous about this. I think that it’s all going to be okay, given that the other presidential candidate is big jerk bully Mitt Romney. Speaking of which, have you read about some of the crap this guy has done? Seriously, what a d-bag.
Perhaps what is worst about this is people like this pastor. I know he’s probably voicing a minority opinion here, and I know that he’s only got like three people agreeing with him on that video… But it hurts. I don’t like the vaguest notion of locking up any group of people, let alone a group of people to which I belong. It makes my skin crawl and my stomach cramp to know that there’s a a guy like this saying things like that, and to know that there are some humans who will actually listen. Pro tip: If you want to not be considered an asshole, don’t suggest rounding up and jailing all the “queers”.
None of this, though instills in me the need to fight, to push, I don’t have this feeling like I am actually supported or that marriage equality is actually supported by my President. They’re just words. I do not mean to belittle what is a large step forward – that would be naive and unfair. I don’t think this is a moment to celebrate. Instead of cracking some champagne and enjoying this moment – undoubtedly a big moment, at that – I find myself becoming more the angry lesbian caricature. I guess it’s in part because I felt shortchanged after the 2008 election and the Prop 8 insanity
that happened is happening in California, but also in part because there were some people who straight-up (no pun intended) told me that I should be glad this first step was taken. There were a few comments that had the, “Isn’t this good enough for you” tone, and I resent that. It did nothing to make me agree and be happy. It felt condescending and super straight-privilege-y. Needless to say, I’m not a fan.
If I could give you one bit of advice, in all this ranting I’ve done, it’s this: don’t tell people that this is good enough. Don’t tell people that they can stop asking for it because a man in an office said some pretty words. Instead, look for a local chapter of PFLAG or GLSEN, make an It Gets Better video, just don’t make empty promises.
Something less depressing will probably be in the next post.
Posted: 05/10/2012 Filed under: Awesome Things, Behavior, Dating, Girls, LGBTQ, Sex | Tags: adventures, advice, announcements, behavior, dating, girls, humor, lesbians, love, sex
Well hello there! Remember how I was moving? Well, I moved. I’m actually technically not done moving, but that’s really just how I work.
All in all things went better than expected, but due to crap planning on my part we slept on the floor the first night. Not so comfy. The next day I went out and bought a queen mattress, and there have been vast improvements in a lot of departments.
I am also now the proud mother of ridiculously fast internet, which I’m pretty sure is totally worth it. It’s so nice to be able to cruise Tumblr and have all those .gif images loaded and moving properly!
All this aside, I’m really happy. I’m actually a lot happier than I thought I could be, given that my girlfriend and I have been together so long and we know each other… I didn’t expect this weird feeling of relief mixed with utter elation. Plus it’s awesome – I can walk to my gym, or tell people I have to get back to my apartment instead of my parents’ house. It’s basically like I’m a real adult!
We’re also down the block from some AWESOME bars. Hellooooo alcohol consumption!
My advice to you, if you’re on the fence about moving in with a long-term significant other, is to freaking do it. And then go buy a big mattress. You’ll thank me, really.
Apart from all of the above, I’ve got some great stuff planned for you guys later on this week – another awesome list, and then some other things. WOO.