Let’s Talk About Ex(es?)

Y’know, part of me wonders if social media is making things better or worse for all of us.  On the one hand, I can learn about things that are happening to other people I know with a quick glance at my Facebook or Tumblr feeds.  On the other hand, I can learn about things that are happening to people I didn’t want to know about with just a quick glance at my Facebook or Tumblr feeds.

For instance, I can learn that a couple coworkers went and saw a terrifying movie, and I can be glad that I’m not going to have nightmares that involve things with too many limbs or possessed children or people in animal masks.  I can check to see if my friends in flood zones or fire hazard areas are okay (or if my friend whose building roof caught fire has a place to stay).  So I think it can be good for a lot of things.

Unfortunately it’s also a great way for me to indulge my curiosity and to check up on what my exes are doing!  YAY.  And I’m pretty sure that until Facebook starts tracking who is looking at your profile, I’m going to keep doing it.  I don’t know why, and I don’t really know what makes this seem like a good idea.  Every so often I get the urge to compare myself to my exes – the ones I am not still Facebook friends with, anyway.  So in their name goes to the search bar, and then there’s some clicking, checking on their profile pictures and career moves… It’s not totally creepy, is it?  (Is there a way that I can talk about this without seeming creepy?  Ah, well…)

Today I learned that the ex who cheated on me is in a really super-happy relationship with the woman with whom she cheated on me.  It kind of sucks, and not because I wish her unhappiness or unkind things, and definitely not because I’m unhappy with my own relationship, but… There’s a part of me that didn’t want that to work out.  If I’m going to be completely honest, if I had the power to change this I would.  I would make it so they couldn’t be together, because I’m still not 1000% over having been cheated on.  Let’s be real – being cheated on SUCKS and it hurts to feel like you’ve been replaced.

Today, though, I also learned an important thing:  I am better off letting go.

Look at me, look at what you just read through.  Checking on this particular ex, and learning what I know now, has made me feel insane.  Not the madcap Ace Ventura brand of crazy, but the “I AM GOING TO STALK YOU AND PUT DOLL HEADS IN YOUR MAILBOX AND SET THINGS ON FIRE” kind.  That’s a really terrible feeling, and it’s a little confusing to have these feelings about a girl I haven’t dated for 7 years (yeah, I know – old lesbian is old).

I can’t really identify what it is that makes people revisit past relationships.  If we didn’t do this, we wouldn’t have movies like High Fidelity, or any rom-coms, and probably Friends would have been an awful TV show.  But I think what might be most important about this revisiting isn’t realizing the good or bad things that are long since past, I think it’s realizing how much you’ve grown since that relationship ended.  I’m definitely not the same kid I was when I broke up with this girl, and I can’t tell you how much of a good thing that is.

Every relationship is a learning experience, hell, everything we do is a learning experience.  But I think people come into your life and touch you in a way you never expected (and in ways you TOTALLY expected!), and I think it’s important to realize that you don’t have to hate your ex.  I don’t hate my exes.  I don’t like a lot of them, and I don’t stay in touch with most of them, but they aren’t necessarily bad people.

And really, I’m not a bad person for checking Facebook.

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