How to Survive: Moving In Together

So my girlfriend and I are moving in together.  I mean in an official “both names on the lease” way.  We pretty much live together anyway, and not seeing each other on a pretty daily basis makes us both really sad, so obviously living together is the solution.  (Plus, this means I get epic pit bull snuggles from her dog whenever I want!)

Here’s the kicker – we’re moving in nine days.  NINE.  DAYS.  I haven’t packed a thing.  I sorted through some stuff about a week ago and threw away a bunch of crap and then went back to playing Dragon Age writing papers and studying for finals.

Still… I have a lot of stuff, she doesn’t have as much stuff, and moving is creeping closer and closer, and I know it really bugs her that I haven’t really done anything proactive about this.  Without further ado, here’s a quick guide to surviving the big move!

Sort Your Shit

You HAVE to know what stuff you’re intending to take with you and what you’re going to get rid of.  Also, you have to know if you’re going to donate things to charity (clothing that you don’t like or doesn’t fit should fall into this category.  Old magazines you never read can be classified this way as well.  Your rock collection that you don’t actually care about?  Throw them in your garden!)  If you’re holding on to a stack of old bookmarks or notebooks from high school… Well, I would advocate setting them on fire in a safe situation, but I still don’t know what I’m doing with mine (Yeah, I have a stack of bookmarks – what?)

Pack Your Shit

No, really.  Even if it’s just throwing crap in boxes and maybe labeling them and maybe not, making your stuff portable is going to make everything easier.  If you leave out some clothing to wear for the next few days/week or so, and have a way to get those clothes from old digs to new, you’re set!  NO EXCUSES.

Stop Making Excuses

Yeah, I have finals coming up and I work a lot…. So?  I also have a buttload of free time that I tend to squander on silly things like playing Dragon Age.  It happens, it’s annoying, and I know I do it.  I don’t really have any good advice for this aside from “realize you’re wasting time and cut that out”.

Don’t Get Stressed

If you’re on the other end of this situation, and you have all your things ready to go and someone else is dragging their feet…. Step back a minute.  Take a deep breath, realize that this doesn’t mean this person is having second thoughts about living with you.  Try to figure out why this person is avoiding packing their things up.  For me, I just hate packing.  I hate the thought of sifting through all of my things, and because I come from a family of pack rats, I am genetically predisposed to not throw things away.  I have too much stuff and it’s scary going through it.  This might be a familiar story with someone you love.  Don’t freak out.

 

I mean… The other options are to not move in with this person, or to not move at all.  You could always do the packing yourself, right?  (“Dear girlfriend: please pack my stuff for me” is not exactly the greatest way to get things packed.)

Try not to leave things until the absolute last possible second.  I’ll let you know how well that works out for me.

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The Trouble With Being A “Nice Guy”

Hey y’all!  No attractive ladies this time, unless you count ME.  But for serious, this is gonna be a pretty intense post so STRAP ON YOUR SEATBELTS!

Someone I have been chatting with online has recently completely exemplified Nice Guy Syndrome.  What’s Nice Guy Syndrome, you ask?  It’s the affliction many young men seem to have, where apart from being a totally nice guy, the dude in question might be using nice guy tactics to gain something FROM whoever is the target of his niceness.

There are whole websites devoted to discussing the ins and outs of Nice Guy Syndrome, and this one in particular has a great definition all laid out…

The technical definition of the nice guy syndrome, simply states that this is a set of behaviors and characteristics that certain guys possess and perform. These include things such as: going out of your way to please people; overly focusing on giving other people what they want; offering unreciprocated favors and gifts; as well as avoiding confrontations and disagreement at all cost.

Now here’s the tricky part about Nice Guy Syndrome… If you’re using any of these tactics to move yourself out of The Friend Zone and into someone’s pants, you’re being a problem.  It’s not cool.  Stop it.

Back to my acquaintance – when discussing people in a position of authority, he declared all of the women to be horrible, harridan-like bitches, but most of the guys were more than fine.  He also fails to understand why essentially being a doormat doesn’t land him knee-deep in ladybits.  These two things are connected and I’m going to come back to this.

In checking out NGS on the internets, I discovered there’s an ENTIRE wiki for geeky feminism!  SO COOL!  But the best part is that they have a fabulous set of reasons why this is problematic for all involved parties.

The biggest issue is that Nice Guys see themselves as a gift to womankind, and get really resentful when women don’t view them similarly.  For instance, a guy stuck in the Friend Zone with a particular lady will end up resenting her for rejecting him, and she’ll have no idea why.  This won’t end well for anyone involved, and that’s crazy and sad.  What you have to remember, everyone, is that just because you aren’t boinking a friend doesn’t make the relationship with that person a complete failure, or any less special.  In fact, I really enjoy having friends without the awkward added pressure of sexytimes interfering.  Maybe that’s just me, but I really just like having good buddies I haven’t seen naked.

Here’s another important thing to remember: rejection happens to EVERYONE.  Literally.  At one point or another, people get turned down for a number of things, be it sex, a date, an audition, an application for a job, an apartment, or even if a stray cat won’t come near them.  This shit happens, and instead of blaming everything else, pick yourself up and move on.

Now, what do these things have to do with my Nice Guy acquaintance?  Here’s the thing: his resentment of some (or a couple) girls who have rejected his romantic advances has bled over and tainted his view of all womankind.  This is especially true for the women who have some sort of authority over him, which explains why he hates all his female bosses.  Long story short, he hates them because they’re extensions of people who won’t have sex with him.  With me so far?  Good.

Here comes the really REALLY important part.  What do you do if you think you might have some issues with Nice Guy Syndrome?

First, take a look at why you feel the way you feel about people around you.  Do you think, if you have friends you want to date, that whoever they’re dating is a douchebag?  Why?  Because they’re succeeding where you think you’re failing.

You might actually be a really, really nice dude, and that’s totally fine.  Actually, that’s more than fine – usually when you’re nice, people think you’re a good person.  Here’s the thing, though.  Other people are nice, too.  Other people are good people who feed strays and pick up litter and listen to female friends’ problems they’re having.  And you know what, they don’t get a medal for that, and they don’t feel they need one.  It’s a good feeling to be a good person, and usually that’s reward enough.

Step back, take a look at why you’re being good.  I guarantee you’ll feel a lot better about your life (and maybe even end up knee-deep in ladybits) if you start being a nice guy for the right reasons.


Badass Fictional Women, Part 1

Hi!  So last week I went all politi-rant on you, which was probably not so fun for some of you to read.  So this time I’m going to post some pictures of rad heroines from modern movies that are also badass attractive ladies.  It’s gonna be great.

This is also a bit influenced by me having seen The Hunger Games recently, and I’m probably totally crushed out on Jennifer Lawrence.  Can you blame me?

Buffy Summers

Well, because duh.  Buffy is probably the first most badass live-action girl to appear on TV.  Even if she’s not, I don’t even care.  I love that she kicks ass and makes quips about her fashion and stuff, and that she cares so much for her friends.  Also, crossbow-prom dress combo.  Duh.

Lara Croft

Lady Lara Croft.  Aside from pondering the chafing of her gunbelt with those hotpants she always wears, what a BAMF!  She’s got the money, the accent, the survival skills, and perhaps most importantly, the brains to find just about anything and solve any puzzle.  Not to mention the tight shirt.  Don’t judge me.

Alice

Any lady who can bring down a ridiculous amount of zombies and manage to move quickly in that leather bodice gets my vote.  Also, is it just me or does Milla Jovovich look a lot like Amanda Palmer?  I digress.  Guns.  Blades.  Jumping from things.  Blowing shit up.  Alice is basically what I want to be if zombies ever DO show up.

Hermione Granger

This girl, you might notice, is not a gun-toting, leather-clad badass ass-kicker (say that 5 times fast?) BUT she is the single smartest person on this list.  There’s really nothing Hermione can’t research, and how many times has she saved Harry and Ron’s skins by her brilliance?

Xena

I would be seriously stupid to not include the Warrior Princess herself!  Between the ring-throwing, the sword-fighting, the punching, and the general ass-kicking, Xena is like the OG of female badassery.  Not to mention her totally bitchin’ armor, amirite?

Bo Dennis

First things first.  She’s a succubus.  Second, she isn’t concerned with the gender of her partners.  She also wears an absurd amount of leather and is pretty much a good person.  AND she kicks the crap out of a lot of people and monsters.

Lisbeth Salander

What’s really cool about Lisbeth Salander is how human she is.  I’m not even going to say “normal”, because she’s anything but normal.  She is, however, a badass in her own way.  I would really recommend reading through Stieg Larsson’s books, because she’s actually a really inspiring character.  Her creativity and resilience are what make her so badass.  Also, take your pick between Rooney Mara’s characterization and Noomi Rapace’s, either way you won’t be disappointed.

Tank Girl

Tank Girl gets included for the weirdness factor alone!  She lives in a tank in a post-apocalyptic world and is originally a comic book character, so mad points there.  She also is (according to the Wikipedia article) She is prone to random acts of sex and violence,hair dyeingflatulencenose-pickingvomitingspitting, and more than occasional drunkenness.”  That sort of sounds like my girlfriend.  Don’t tell her I said that.

Ellen Ripley

Fun fact for the day: Sigourney Weaver’s iconic role as Ripley was originally written for a dude, but somehow Ms. Weaver snagged the part and is forever part of scifi culture.  And hot DAMN, are we all grateful!  She’s arguably the strongest, most hardcore character out of any women on this list (sorry Xena), not to mention she’s got some pretty nasty enemies (and I’m not just talking about the aliens).  Managing to kick this much ass AND fight through sexism?  AWESOME.

Samus Aran

If you know anything about the Metroid games, you probably know about Samus.  And, you probably know that it was a big deal to go through the whole game lasering your way through clouds of metroids and other nasties (space pirates and those creepy bosses), only to have a big reveal that – SURPRISE! – you were playing as a girl the whole time!  She’s got the suit*, she’s got the moves, Samus is a class-A badass woman.

Katniss Everdeen

Last but definitely not the least, I picked Katniss Everdeen.  Say what you want about the Hunger Games and the movie or the books or whatever.  Don’t tell me you don’t love a woman with a bow.  I do, or else I wouldn’t have her on here.  There’s something about ladies with amazing skills, and survival skills happen to be pretty damn useful.  She sleeps in trees, has ridiculous accuracy with a recurve, and manages to fuel a revolution.  She’s taken care of her family and helps people when she can.  I’m maybe in love with her, don’t judge me.

All of these women have some amazing almost superhuman qualities.  Have I missed any of your favorites?  Let me know!

*If anyone can tell me who this particular cosplayer is, I would be much obliged to you. ETA: Thank you A TON to litlghost for sourcing that rad Samus cosplay!