Anti-Douche FormulasPosted: 07/25/2011
Numero Uno: How to become more sensitive!
This is extraordinarily important. Why is it important to be sensitive? Because people, including hot lady-people, like guys that don’t suck at being humans. I’m not saying you have to be that overly-emotive, sensitive person who cries when someone’s pet toad dies or worries about a bug being stepped on somewhere or anything like that. But seriously. Have some freaking compassion.
For instance, don’t finish sentences that sound like “Aw that is really awful and that sucks” with anything remotely similar or evocative of “and I am so glad I am not you!” Don’t laugh when someone tells you their great-great-aunt Tilly’s dog Precious passed away last week. That’s not cool! Don’t think “well Amy Winehouse had it coming, what with her drug addiction problem”. THESE ARE DOUCHEY THINGS.
Do you see where I’m going with this? If not, maybe you should listen to someone explain this a little better…
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on, shall we boys?
Number Two: How to be more respectful of other people! (I’m about to hop on a soapbox here, so strap on your seatbelts and crash helmets!)
This one kind of hits close to home for me, because after all, I am a gay lady, and sometimes other humans think it’s okay to disrespect gay peoples (not just me, and not just gay ladies, but all of us gay folks). Guess what? It’s not! It’s so way not cool, and makes you look like total dickheads. I don’t care if you think it’s gross that two guys love each other, or if it’s only okay for “hot lesbians” to get married, or if it’s cool to punch people who “look gay”. That makes you a douchebag AND a total dick, and that’s so uncool.
It’s also way uncool to make fun of (and do worse to) people who look different than you do. This includes, but is not limited to, people with disabilities, people of different races, people who wear religious garments (including Mormons), and people who probably dress better than you. Come on, guys, you’re better than this. And if you’re not, and you’re single, there just might be a connection between those things. Just saying… TAKE IT AWAY ARETHA!
I’m going to let these two things marinate in your brains for awhile, but don’t worry, I’ll be back with more of the anti-douche recipes, and I’ll get back into discussing some Girl Talk in the upcoming weeks. Stay tuned OR ELSE