Anti-Douche Formulas

Okay guys, so I know I’ve mentioned here and there how to not be a douche, so now let’s start a slightly definitive list of these things!  Ready for a couple of how-tos?  I know I am!

Numero Uno: How to become more sensitive!

This is extraordinarily important.  Why is it important to be sensitive?  Because people, including hot lady-people, like guys that don’t suck at being humans.  I’m not saying you have to be that overly-emotive, sensitive person who cries when someone’s pet toad dies or worries about a bug being stepped on somewhere or anything like that.  But seriously.  Have some freaking compassion.

For instance, don’t finish sentences that sound like “Aw that is really awful and that sucks” with anything remotely similar or evocative of “and I am so glad I am not you!”  Don’t laugh when someone tells you their great-great-aunt Tilly’s dog Precious passed away last week.  That’s not cool!  Don’t think “well Amy Winehouse had it coming, what with her drug addiction problem”.  THESE ARE DOUCHEY THINGS.

Do you see where I’m going with this?  If not, maybe you should listen to someone explain this a little better…


Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on, shall we boys?

Number Two: How to be more respectful of other people!  (I’m about to hop on a soapbox here, so strap on your seatbelts and crash helmets!)

This one kind of hits close to home for me, because after all, I am a gay lady, and sometimes other humans think it’s okay to disrespect gay peoples (not just me, and not just gay ladies, but all of us gay folks).  Guess what?  It’s not!  It’s so way not cool, and makes you look like total dickheads.  I don’t care if you think it’s gross that two guys love each other, or if it’s only okay for “hot lesbians” to get married, or if it’s cool to punch people who “look gay”.  That makes you a douchebag AND a total dick, and that’s so uncool.

It’s also way uncool to make fun of (and do worse to) people who look different than you do.  This includes, but is not limited to, people with disabilities, people of different races, people who wear religious garments (including Mormons), and people who probably dress better than you.  Come on, guys, you’re better than this.  And if you’re not, and you’re single, there just might be a connection between those things.  Just saying… TAKE IT AWAY ARETHA!

I’m going to let these two things marinate in your brains for awhile, but don’t worry, I’ll be back with more of the anti-douche recipes, and I’ll get back into discussing some Girl Talk in the upcoming weeks.  Stay tuned OR ELSE

6 Comments on “Anti-Douche Formulas”

  1. haha nice, very nice. the thing is, i think im sensitive and respectful, but i tend to always get bad girls haha…i will stay tuned. in fact, i think i’ll be back to listen(or read) more of your advice because i think i’ll really need them haha…

    • blogattack says:

      Oh, bad girls. I remember bad girls. Hell, I WAS a bad girl, but I think this will have to be a story for another time. Thanks for reading!

  2. AZ says:

    Well I won’t say she had it coming, but I will say I definitely saw it coming, that rehab song was a pretty big clue….now I’m off to buy some mirrored aviators!

  3. […] Seriously, once you boil it down, talking about someone not being your “type” just makes you sound like an asshole and a douchebag, and what is it I say about assholes and douchebags? […]

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