Girl Talk pt. 2Posted: 04/26/2011
So now that we’ve covered an introductory bit of “girl talk”, shall we move on to something more challenging?
How many times have you heard something like this? “I don’t care; whatever you choose will be fine.”
“Just do whatever you want to do.”
This is usually passive-aggressive code for “We both know you’re going to pick the wrong thing, so just ask me leading questions about what I really want to do until I say yes.”
So, WHAT do you do when this happens? If you ask those questions, and even if you double-check that what you want to do is an okay thing, she’ll get grumpy. I know this because I get really annoyed by those kind of questions and the constant double-checking, even though I am just as guilty of doing it as the next girl. This really seems like a lose-lose situation, because if you cave to whatever you think she wants to do, you will either be wrong or she’ll think you’re a total pushover. But, if you go with what you want to do, she may not have a good time or like your choice.
The best solution that I can think of is that after double-checking whether or not she actually is going to give you her opinion, look your lady in the eye and say something like, “Okay, this is what I am going to be doing because this is what I want to do, and if you do not want to do this that’s okay, just say it right now.” Be as direct as possible here, and don’t skirt around her feelings. If this makes her mad, maybe you should re-think doing things with her… Just saying. My awesome girlfriend said this:
“You know, he needs to say “Are you sure you don’t care where we go?” And she’ll say, “Yes, I don’t care”, and he says, okay, let’s go to Taco Bell, and if she says “Ew gross no”, remind her that she relinquished all rights to a decision.” THIS IS A DIRECT QUOTE FROM ANOTHER BONAFIDE GAY LADY
I know it sounds like I’m (we’re?) generalizing on gender and making women out to be super passive-aggressive. I am not aiming for this – I just don’t have a lot of experience with men being passive-aggressive. Women seem to worry a lot more about making people really happy, and culturally, they are forced into this subservient role of putting everyone else’s feelings first. I quite literally only know one person who doesn’t do any of this, and every time she says anything like “Do whatever you want”, I freak out a little because I expect to be told I’m wrong and I suck. Really, all she wants me to do is whatever I choose or want to do. (Upshot: I’m dating her. Sorry boys.)
I would like, therefore, to propose a new rule. Girls, be a bit more direct about what you want. If you do or don’t want something to happen, SAY IT. Personally I find assertiveness super hot, and I think a lot of dudes out there would agree with me. Feigning indecision and starting a fight? So not cool. And guys, you have to know what you want, too. Don’t worry about being manipulated or doing the manipulating – throw that crap out the window and move on to an actual relationship.
In short: be direct to each other and I think you’ll be happier, especially when you’re trying to figure out how to spend time together.