Girl Talk, pt. 1Posted: 04/16/2011
It’s here, everybody!
No, NOT the oldies song making the retail muzak circuit.
No, NOT the modern mashup artist.
I’m going to start a series on girl talk. You know, when girls say something but mean the opposite (or WORSE – something completely different!) This is where that word “tone” will come into play a lot, and I think this will have to be a multiple-post event.
Let’s start with something relatively simple. When you ask a girl if she’s alright, and she says in a short, not-quite-snap, “I’m fine“. It’s pretty clear that there’s something very not-fine happening. Unfortunately it’s not always resolved by asking, “What’s wrong?” and listening to whatever is bugging her. In my own experience, more often than not she thinks you already know and are doing something to bug her on purpose. Fair? No. Not at all fair, not at all logical, but hey – how much of your life actually makes sense and is fair?
The best way to get around the “I’m fine” is to be as diplomatic and as patient as possible. Even though you don’t remember doing anything offensive, and even if you think she’s being crazy, none of that matters. (Really, this applies to anyone that might be mad at you – don’t be a jerk)
Acknowledge to yourself that you may have done something without realizing it, and when it’s necessary apologize. Above all, LISTEN. Shut your mouth and let the lady get out whatever’s bothering her. A lot of girls (myself included) hold things in for ages, and it creates this big nasty grudge. This will come back when you have a serious fight. She will pull it out and be all, “Oh yeah, well you did THIS and THAT HAPPENED“. It will make an ugly situation uglier, so if you want to avoid that sort of nonsense, this is the best route to diffuse the situation. Plus, by taking some time to listen to her, she’ll eventually figure out that you’re a good dude to keep around.
And really, I cannot stress this enough – if she’s mad at something you did (or something she perceives you to have done), do NOT argue under any circumstances. I’m not talking about being whipped or giving up your Man Card or any of that idiocy. I’m talking about making a relationship (or friendship, or whatever-ship) WORK. This will help. If you can get past the petty bullshit, this will set the stage for a stronger, longer time with your ladyfriend. (Side advice: if your guy friends make fun of you for being “whipped” or whatever, ask them how their girlfriends are. Watch them splutter – it’ll be fun)
If you have any “girl talk” horror or success stories, let me know. I’m always interested to see what fun and exciting things members of my gender can invent.