“Be Yourself”: Easier Said Than Done?

Hey y’all.  So, how many times have you heard from someone, “Just be yourself”?  Is it easier said than done?

For a lot of us, Kim included, this statement falls into the category of “very unhelpful”.  Kim is a champ at asking me what to do or say or how to act, and if all of that is sending whatever message she wants to convey.  It’s okay, though, because some people really genuinely need this advice.  Other people just need to stop second-guessing themselves and be their usual awesome selves.  Then there are the lucky few who either make the effort to not care about impressing people, or their brain is magically and mysteriously wired to not care about impressing people.  (This is where the girlfriend and I fall, but in reverse order)

Fuck, if I needed help BEING MYSELF, I would probably need to be committed, or at least in therapy.  Right?  Anyway, since the vast majority of people usually have a pretty good idea of who they are, then it falls to the asker to ask a better question.  Instead of something really broad like, “What do I do on this date?”, there are so many other options to choose from!  Whatever happened to being specific?  That’s how you get the right tool, isn’t it?  You gotta know what the problem is.  For instance, if you don’t want your date to think you’re a serial killer, maybe you should ask a friend, “Hey, how do I act around a girl to get her to realize I’m NOT a serial killer?”  Same follows for any other occupation, such as “How do I get this girl to think I’m not a drug dealer?”  (I’m not trying to judge if you are a drug-dealing serial killer, just for your information!)

For me, it is plain as day when someone is faking it.  (Yes, I mean that in every sense.)  This is what happens when you do a lot of work around people who act professionally – you learn when it’s real and when it’s not.  But, I’m digressing.  Oh well!  The point here is that asking a third party how to act is kind of stupid, just like the answer to the question itself is stupid.  “Just be yourself”????  What a cop-out.  The only person who can even answer these kind of questions for you is your date, and I’m pretty sure you’re never going to ask her how you should be acting.  Maybe, then, instead of trying to act a certain way so she gets a particular impression of you, you really SHOULD just be yourself.

If you can’t be yourself, then you really shouldn’t be trying to date someone.

Unless you’re auditioning for a play or a film, throw that shitty advice out the window.  Just be you, and act the way you usually act, and don’t try to be any more impressive or any smarter or any funnier than you are in your everyday life.  Why?  Because girls know when it’s fake.  Especially straight girls.  I mean, really, a lot of straight girls fake a lot more than most men will ever guess (trust me, I’ve heard enough about you crazy heteros to last a LIFETIME and then some).

What is extremely important here, more than anything else I’ve said, is that you don’t lie.  Just don’t do it.  Ever.  We know when you lie, we know why you lie, and we still hate it.  Grow up.  Lying is immature and idiotic, and it sends a bad vibe and a bad message.  This is what would tip you off as being creepy – trust me.  And then there’s the “getting caught” part.  Don’t lie, and you won’t get caught.  It’s pretty simple.

Now, if you’re on the other end of this and you’re telling someone to “Just be yourself”, then you really need to come up with a more original line.  If your buddy asks what to do or how to act around a girl, don’t give him that lame-shit worthless crap.  Everyone has heard it already, and nobody knows what it really means.  A good answer to this query would be something like, “Don’t even worry about this; you’re too cool for this neurotic bull.”  And then follow that up with a clothing suggestion.  Why?  BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR BRO.  (This will be addressed at a later date, really)

Don’t despair, dudes.  If you can figure out how to switch of your brain, live in the moment, and enjoy what happens while on a date with a nice lady, that whole “being yourself” thing will work itself out.  Promise.  Just remember, the hardest part is over – SHE IS GOING ON A DATE WITH YOU.  The scary “oh god what if she says no” bit is OVER.  Now you just have to dress nice, pick her up on time, pay for dinner, and be yourself.  Good luck!