ATTACK OF THE EX!Posted: 02/24/2011
So, hypothetical situation. Let’s say you’re still friends with an ex-girlfriend on Facebook. Because, of course, everyone is friends with everyone on Facebook, and something as petty as being dumped is no reason to un-friend someone, right?
This hypothetical ex just gained a new job. Let’s say she becomes manager of a bank branch. But, here’s the issue – she keeps openly posting on Facebook about how much she needs to get laid, or how badly she wants to smoke a lot of weed. And she doesn’t use creative euphemisms!!!
What’s a guy to do? Do you politely say something like, “Maybe you should be a bit more judicious about what you post on here – your boss may end up seeing this”? Or, do you just leave it alone, because, well, they’re your EX after all and she probably stomped on your heart while wearing 4-inch heels?
Well, the Advisors have a variety of responses to this one, so let’s get into those.
Flannery said it’s not your problem; even if the relationship ended on good terms, the ex is an adult, and their judgment and their issues are their own problems. Katie actually said something similar, but took it a step further. She said, “Remember, an ex is an ex for a reason!”
I thought these were pretty interesting, not because of the vague “everyone for themselves” tones I got out of the conversation, but because it showed me that I even have a line that I don’t cross with my exes. I discovered that I don’t give unsolicited advice to my exes, so why would I tell other people they should do the same?
Then there’s the majority of my friends I spoke with, who said, “Nah, the right thing to do is to kindly point out the potential for a problem.” That, unfortunately, also appeals to me. I’m kind of big on looking out for others (my momma raised me that way!), so with an issue like this, I definitely consider giving this advice. With my friends, most will tell you that I give advice like it’s going out of style. As I stated before, I just learned that I draw the line at exes.
However, that’s not really the point. The point is the answer to the question, “What should you do?” I lied at the beginning of this post – this is not a hypothetical situation. A coworker of mine (who reads this blog, SHOUT-OUT TO HIM HERE!) asked me what he should do. What did I say?
DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!!
I said, “As long as you’re nice about it, and you make it clear there are no insidious or ulterior motives for saying it, there’s really no problem with giving a little advice on decorum.” Because really, when you break it all down, it’s a good thing to do. This could literally be a job-ending, potentially career-destroying thing. As we have all heard, you CAN get fired for things that appear on your Facebook page. So, why not try and help someone avoid that?
To summarize: while you may have bad feelings from a breakup, that does not mean you should hold your ill will over someone if it can possibly ruin their life. Don’t be a douchebag. Tell someone (NICELY) if you think they’re being inappropriate. If something ends up happening and you didn’t say anything, you’ll end up feeling like a dick. Save them, and save yourself.